Looks

As I was hanging up my pilly Old Navy maxi skirts, of which I have 2 of each color, black and grey (all pilly), I wondered... Why am I hanging them up? Why did I bother to wash them on gentle? They already look like crap.

But I don't like shopping. Not that I hate it, just that I value productivity, and the point of shopping is (just my opinion but) to adhere to the laws of tznius, and to not be seen as a Flatbush Frumpy (in my part of town).

The nice part about not wanting to be a frumpy nebach is that I can interpret it as just wanting to smoothly fit in; not wanting to be stared at, or drawn attention to, both of which would be un-tznius. And so, really, it's all about tznius.

Unfortunately, my kevana is stuck on the frumpy nebach part. Putting my kevana into the fact that my pursuit of this goal could really be a mitzva, is hard.

That's the religious part of it, but there's another part: Before I was frum, I would wake up, get dressed, and go out into the world among strangers. I'd spend my day among strangers, in the clothes I decided on that morning, and think: Do I like this look? How do I feel? How am I received?

The next day, I can change it, and go out among different strangers, a completely new person. I could reset myself every day.

There are no strangers here in Flatbush. If I dress a certain way in public, everyone is labeling me, and storing that information. It's a hard box to get out of. What are they thinking if I decide to be ambitious one day and dress differently? If I dress more yeshivish? More "Flatbush Fabulous?" More hippie-cool?

And what are they thinking if it didn't work out and I go back to Flatbush Frumpy?

I used to not care what people thought about this type of thing, and I had no reason to, because they didn't care. People here care. So now, I feel like I'm in the Flatbush Fishbowl.

So what's the right attitude?

It's my job to dress tznius. Hashem also wants me to feel good about myself, so I do my best to find a tznius outfit I feel confident in. I notice the people around me, but I can choose not be made uncomfortable. My service to Hashem is to love them, and dress as well as I can. Any wardrobe issues, be it pilly skirts, or a day here and there of poor choices, so long as I put in my effort, is from Hashem. I thank Hashem for the challenge. I ask Him for help. I ask for a refuah shleima for my son, and I do my best to move on, and to be happy and serve Him with joy all the while.

What if the only tznius outfit I'm comfortable in is, um, not tznius?
B'h, I don't personally have this problem, so I'm really not sure. Maybe a good MO rav would know.
Although now that I think about it, maybe by some people's standards, I DO have this problem...

What if, as a result of people's opinions on how I dress, my opportunities become limited...
What can I say, everything is from Hashem. If He wants an opportunity to come my way, it will. If not, not.

Wishing you all of Hashem's open brachas in perfect abundance,
Rivka Devora