I spend too much time thinking about CZ's actions. One brief texting interaction with her today got me spinning and overthinking. My heart breaks every day for what I threw away.
But if not this, it could be broken every day with hope-turned disappointment. An absent partner.
I thought we could always be something special to each other, even without the romance. But instead, I just feel pain when I think about her. I didn't know it would be this bad.
I guess it's just in my mind.
But if I don't hold myself...
...protect myself...
...tell myself, "I got you..."
...no one will.
No one will.
She did say that once. "I got you." Maybe twice.
I liked to think I had that. Someone to say that. Someone who got me. But I had a sort of... intangible shape. That slipped through fingers but lingered long enough to give me that illusion of something when actually, whatever it was, it was always slipping away from me.
I was addicted to a fantasy.
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