Friday, May 8, 2026

I tried to come out on June 21, 2019.

But I never published this post. I'm so out now, it feels ridiculous that I hesitated. But also, I see you Roni. It was really hard. You were badly hurt. Here it is, what I wish you felt safe posting 7 years ago. Written 6/21/2019 at 5:45pm.

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I never really had plans of coming out, per se.

As I sit here, trying to word this, thinking about who might read it, thinking about how to explain it, deciding how much to write about, I freeze. The sheer big-ness of it all is too much for me. I hear everyone's opinion at once. I hear all the clicks away, the disgust, the eye rolling, my own self judgement both loudest of all and feeding the rest.

I know how to be official and give a comfortable appearance to everyone. There are many who have done it, I can even cut and paste to a degree, but you know what? Nah. Because the truth is, it's hard. I won't pretend it's not. I worked for over a decade to be accepted by a group of people only to throw it all away. I can do it, though. Because I have a better understanding of how little that acceptance is really worth.

And also, how great are worth the friends that keep me.

I've been divorced for a bit now, and I'm finally trying to clean out the house. I'll be throwing out a ton of stuff, like old toys and things I don't use anymore. It'll be a nice purge, because when I'm done, I'll see just what I'm left with and know just where to start from.

Who am I?
A frum visitor to queer spaces and a queer visitor to frum spaces, fitting in slightly everywhere and mostly nowhere writes about how all this plus 4 young kids make basically everything weird.

30-something and divorced, I write from contradicting perspectives and endeavors to communicate my existence, as well as share my experiences raising a person with a disability.

I'm a mom in NJ and a bachelor in Brooklyn. Well, sorta this kinda that...

May Hashem bless you with perfect abundance in all things,
RDW

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